Taotao,

Last night i felt stupid, unwanted by others as a friend, socially rejected, socially retarded. But then, thinking about it in depth, i realized that my advisor likes the work i am doing and has no qualms against me, i can communicate with companies and present my self well ... but internally i feel socially retarded, socially unacceptable. In an academic setting i do well, and interpersonally i can do well one-on-one with a good friend, but in large crowds / parties i feel socially retarded. In thinking about this further, the problem is NOT with me, its with others perception of me. I can't control others perception of me. I can't control how others respond when i say something, i am garrett and garrett responds and says stuff the way he says stuff. Instead of searching out others to reaffirm my feelings of social unacceptability, i search out those that are like minded, those that perhaps feel the same. I can't control negative feelings, but i can control my determination for my life. I feel you ...

You aren't an ugly duckling, because an ugly duckling focus' on what others have. You are not a swan because swans focus on what others do not have and sound annoying. You are a beautiful Taotao bird, you sound so lovely and you care about doing your best. The beautfiul taotao bird is flying higher than any swan, and by no means flashy. Flashiness may seem attractive, but it has no substance. Your subtleness shows yourself the need to be flashy only when its important. Your plumage is perfectly aligned, and your smile makes me blush out of utter ecstasy.

Garrett